It’s Not Personal – What They Are Really Saying

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The Message They Give When They Say It’s Not Personal

Michael Corleone Sets a Tone for Many a Businessman

It’s a well remembered piece from the movies. That scene in The Godfather when Michael Corleone comes up with the plan to kill the rival mob boss and the corrupt police chief in one fell swoop. His brother Sonny laughs it off and reminds him that it is business and he is taking it personally. Michael replies “It’s not personal Sonny. It’s strictly business!”

It’s Not Personal

Have you ever heard somebody tell you, “don’t take it personal, it’s just business!” It seems to happen whenever does something that they know is going to upset someone else. It’s a popular way to justify treating others badly for our own personal gain. It helps to avoid the emotional aftermath of a highly charged exchange.

It’s hard to say if it occurred before The Godfather came out or not. Yet for a long time, there was an emphasis on separating your personal life from your business life. After all, business is business. When you are at work there is simply work. Personalities, lives, emotions, the things that make us human all have no place in the world of business. Right?

Don’t Buy the Lie

But the truth is you spend 1/3 of your day involved in the work that you do. Think about that for a moment. A twenty-four hour day. Let’s say you sleep for 6-8 hours (lucky you!). There is from 1/4 to 1/3 of your day right there; leaving 16 hours. Therefore, if you work full-time then a minimum of 50% of your waking hours is spent at work.

So you are being asked to put aside everything that is happening in your life for that 8+ hours. The stress not only of your life but your career as well. And when someone does something that causes a well-up of emotion in you, you are being asked to squelch it because, after all, it’s only business.

It’s ALL PERSONAL!

Don’t believe it! You are emotionally invested in the work you do. If you’re not, you have a whole other problem. I recommend changing jobs. You cannot perform your best unless you are emotionally invested. As a result, the work you do cannot help but be personal.

But it’s not to be taken personally. And that’s the key.

The Fine Line

So if it is all personal but not to be taken personally, how do you do that? Admittedly, it’s not easy. Especially when we emotionally invested there is a tendency to think that anything that gets in our way was put there specifically to stop us.

There is where the development of emotional maturity comes in. When we are emotionally secure we learn to express emotion, to feel it, and yet not let it push out of control. We balance the rational and the emotionally charged.

How to Avoid Taking It Personally

Here are four steps that are going to help you along that way to developing emotional maturity.

Recognize your true value.

Be always aware of what it is you add to a situation to make it better. When you understand what your true value is then you are less likely to take things personally.

Understand that no one really targets you personally.

Most people are way too wrapped up in their own lives to spend much time thinking about you. So when you think that someone is out to get you, actually they are probably not. I’m sure you have probably had your kids come to you and tell you, oh this teacher hates me. And the teacher probably isn’t giving them a second thought when they get home.

Take the time to communicate and listen with your leaders.

Communicate to them what your desires are, what your concerns are. But also listen to the input they have for you because you are going to find that a lot of times the reality is a lot different than your perception.

When you talk, avoid hyperbole.

Avoid saying things like “you always do this” or “you never do that”. Also avoid the negative people that are going to affect your life.

If you take these steps, you are going to get closer to being able to emotionally invest in your life and not take things personally.

What are your coping methods? How do you separate being personal and not taking it personally? Leave your comments here or email me at psimkins(at)BoldlyLead.com.

Leadership Lessons from 6 Critical Moments of 2017

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2018 Has to Be Better, Right?

Depending on how your 2017 went, you may be happy or sad to see it go. But go it must and we enter 2018 with new hope. To maximize that hope, we look back at 2017. It’s not to be nostalgic but rather to learn the leadership lessons that events have to teach us.

With that in mind, let’s look at some critical moments of 2017 that we can learn from. This is by no means an exhaustive list. In addition, it is by no means THE most critical moments. They are, however, vital for what we can learn from them.

Leadership Lessons from 2017

Solar Eclipse

On September 21, a solar eclipse occurred and swept across the United States. People from all over the world flocked to “ideal” locations for viewing the full eclipse. Many spent hundreds and thousands of dollars for this opportunity as they may never see it again.

Where is the leadership lesson in this? Know that most people live in the moment. Hundreds of thousands of people took off work for this event. Those who traveled invested money, some probably more than they actually had, to go to location in the path of the full eclipse. They did this to experience a moment that lasted all of 7.5 minutes.

Therefore, while part of a leaders role is to give hope it’s not just to look at the future. It is also to help make the present better. If your people are living in the now, you have to determine how you can improve the current situation. Help your people live in the now as well as hope for the future.

And if you missed it, the next U.S. solar eclipse is April 8, 2024.

Harvey Weinstein

The New York Times in October published an article detailing allegations of sexual harassment against Harvey Weinstein. He was a producer and his company was behind numerous movies, as well as television and radio programs. Many known actresses came forward and detailed the allegations of offense. All in all, over 30 years of alleged harassment.

Weinstein at first publicly acknowledged and apologized that he has caused a lot of pain. Yet he denied the harassment. His lawyer even threatened to sue the New York Times. And the allegations still to this day continue to mount up as more employees and actresses come forward.

There are indications that his exploits were known as far back as 1990 when he was with Miramax. Despite that, it appears that other than occasionally settling with someone who threatened to go public very little was done about it. What has happened since is that Weinstein has lost his company, his career, and any connection with the industry. He has a lifetime ban. His wife left him and his family has practically disowned him. Further, it’s still not over.

What is number two in our leadership lessons? Well, first I think the lesson for a leader is that when you mess up you gotta fess up. Would his early confession and apology have made things any easier? Who knows? However, it is likely that at least some relationships could have been saved. Helping people move towards healing faster.

For others involved, the lack of timely and appropriate intervention exacerbated the situation. Think of it, lack of response prompted 30 years of damaged lives. As leaders we cannot ever stick our head in the sand, no matter how awkward or unpleasant the circumstances. Courage is a necessary component of leadership.

The Oscars

Back in February the highlight of the awards ceremony by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) is the OSCAR for Best Picture. To present the award legendary actors Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty come onstage. The nominees are presented, the envelope is opened and the OSCAR goes to…La La Land! Producers, directors, and actors flock to the stage to accept the award. And then, on live television it’s discovered that in fact the Best Picture OSCAR actually goes to Moonlight, not La La Land! Confusion and embarrassment wrack the stage for several minutes.

It turns out that somehow the wrong envelope was given to the presenters. It was actually discovered and corrected onstage by Jordan Horowitz, the producer of La La Land. PriceWaterhouseCooper (PwC) oversees the whole process of envelope management and someone simply made the mistake of pulling the envelope from the wrong pile.

So number 3 in our leadership lessons is a positive one. PwC owned up to their mistake – in fact took total ownership of it – and took steps to make sure it did not happen again. They didn’t focus on spin or making the best of it, they simply confessed, apologized, and worked to fix it.

Travis Kalanick and UBER

I talked about this story back in June and a lot happened since then.

Ok. On the surface this seems to be the same leadership lessons as before. However, there is more to be seen and learned. Like being a celebrity, being a leader means you sacrifice certain things. You no longer have the luxury of angry tirades. Your behavior is seen and evaluated every day. Being dismissive is no longer an option. Consistency in your character and behavior are crucial to successful leadership. It creates safety.

United Airlines

Where to start with this! It was not a good year for United Airlines.

First, in April United Express flight #3411 out of Chicago was allegedly overbooked (United later denied this). I talked about that story here.

This was two weeks after an incident where United made two teenage girls go change clothes before they could board a flight. Apparently they were on employee family passes and as such were representing United Airlines. United considered leggings as inappropriate clothing. Those incidents were followed by the death of a giant prize rabbit and a family dog in the hands of United. A couple heading to their wedding in Costa Rica are removed from a United flight due to conflict over their seats.

It’s all about culture here in number five of our leadership lessons. When culture places a greater importance on the bottom line over employees and over customers, it’s a recipe for disaster every time. Focus on treating employees well, equip and empower them to do the right thing, and everyone wins. Don’t believe it? Look at Southwest Airlines. Do they always get it right? No, but apparently they do more often than others. That says something.

Google

I also wrote about Google’s biggest faux paus last year. Of course, added to that is the revelation that despite the intent to create a safe workplace they apparently consistently pay female employees less than male counterparts.

As a result, number six of our leadership lessons stays the same as before. Leaders must consider how actions to manage behaviors and attitudes factors into first creating a safe workplace and second supporting or suppressing opposing viewpoints. In their attempts to create a safe workplace, Google ended up quieting someone who opposed some company policies and stances. The result was to create an unsafe workplace for those with opposing views.

Do you agree with the lessons here? Disagree? Are there lessons here I missed? What is your favorite leadership lessons of 2017.

Share your thoughts here or email me at psimkins(at)BoldlyLead.com.

How Focus on Generations Can Spell Trouble for a Leader

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Leaders Focus on People, Not Generations

There is no denying that there are generations in our history. Also no denying that we have undergone huge social upheavals, especially in the last 100 years, that define those generations.

And certainly there is some benefit to being able to identify cultural impacts on a certain age group. It helps to understand perspective and reference base.

Culture Impacts Generations and Understanding

For example, every year Beloit College puts out what they call The Mindset List. For each year of incoming freshmen, they detail things the students have and have not experienced in their lifetime. It helps staff and faculty better understand where they are coming from. Some examples from this year’s list, the class of 2021, are:

Students coming in this year were likely born in 1999.
They are the last of the Millennial Generation
They are the first generation for whom a “phone” has been primarily a video game, direction finder, electronic telegraph, and research library
Zappos has always meant shoes on the Internet
Bill Clinton has always been Hillary Clinton’s aging husband
Justin Timberlake has always been a solo act

Things like that can be useful information. Things they have known to exist and what has ceased to exist. Knowing a little bit about perspective can be helpful and identifying generational data serves that purpose.

Dangerous Assumptions Based on Generations

Where we run into trouble is when we attach stereotypes to a generation. Trying to predict behaviors based on a generation leads to assumptions. And as a leader, making and acting upon assumptions can lead to dangerous consequences.

I am a Baby Boomer, which in some eyes makes me old. In my defense, I am on the tail end of it.

By generational stereotyping I should be……..well, that’s the problem. In my research it was difficult to find any kind of consensus on what characteristics define a Boomer. By some accounts I am a workaholic, not very tech savvy, out to get mine, and very rules driven. By other accounts, I am simply looking forward to retirement, stay in one job for an extended period of time, and am independent and even revolutionary.

in truth, I am anything but a workaholic (actually I could probably use at least a little of that attitude). I consider myself very tech savvy (background as a technical trainer), but also very relationship-driven. Most would tell you I am not exactly known as a rules follower. Personally, I said no to retirement long ago. I have changed jobs often. I enjoy mentoring, adding value, and sharing fame and fortune. I’ll stop before it sounds too much like a dating profile.

But if you rely on the stereotypes, your treatment and expectations for me would certainly create conflict. I would most likely not behave or produce the way you envisioned. Which doesn’t mean I wouldn’t produce, just not necessarily the way you expected.

Millennials have the same issue.

Who Are Millennials?

True to form, there is some variation in the time period for the Millennial Generation. Some say from 1982 to 2000; others say from 1980 to 1996. Bruce Tulgan, who authored the book Not Everyone Gets a Trophy, actually defines it in two waves – from 1978 to 1989 and then from 1990 to 2000.

As a result, most Millennials in the workplace would roughly be between 18 and 37 years of age with the last remnants about to enter the workforce.

To discover the stereotypes of MIllennials, I performed a Google search starting with the words “Millennials are” and here are some of the words that appeared

Lazy
Entitled
Selfish
Disloyal
Tech Savvy
Need work to babysit them

Most M’s I know are far from lazy; if anything they are too busy. Entitlement is not the exclusive territory of M’s and is more cultural than generational in my opinion. Again, very general statements that stereotype an entire generation of people. And companies pay consultants thousands of dollars to learn how to engage with them.

Why the Stereotypes Don’t Work

Here is why relying on these assumptions about generations creates problems for a leader.

Very (Sometimes Extremely) Overgeneralized

As seen in the above list of Millennial stereotypes in order to create a “profile” means we often point to the extreme behaviors over the typical. Extreme behaviors stand out and are the ones most noticed. So when we find it necessary to try to predict behavior, we opt for the far side.

Highly Inaccurate

Generational Theory came about in 1923 by Karl Mannheim. Emphasis on theory. Mannheim himself even admits that there are wild variations in his theories about generations. Part of that is caused by location, heritage, and other factors. What we know about a Baby Boomer from Florida may be different than what is true about a Boomer in Montana.

Despite the empirical data surrounding Mannheim’s study, it is still just a theory and as yet to be proven as scientifically provable. However, like evolution, we have taken an unproven theory and made it science.

Arbitrary Classifications

The only one really well-defined is Baby Boomers, which is from 1946 to 1964. They were well-defined because statistically there was a huge increase in births during that time period; likely brought about by people returning from the war. World War One, Two, Korean War – pick one.

Other generations, even the ones preceding Boomers, have been somewhat randomly created to suit a purpose. For example, the generation leading up to 1946 is called The Greatest Generation. How did that term come about? Newsman Tom Brokaw coined it because it made a good book title. Actually, I’m sure he really felt that way. But the fact that it did sell a lot of books certainly doesn’t hurt. Realistically, it should be called the World War Generation because that’s the period that defines them the most.

Yet as noted before, there tends to be dissension over generation names and time periods for most of these generations. And most of the definitions appear to be entirely self-serving. If your book or product serves a specific segment, it’s good to have that segment be more inclusive.

What does understanding generations do to help you? How do you overcome the stereotypes?

Share your thoughts here or drop me a line at psimkins(at)BoldlyLead.com.

Forget Resolutions! Here’s What You Should Do Instead

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Make Plans, Not Resolutions

Here we are on the cusp of creating New Year’s Resolutions. We hastily come up with them off the top of our head and share them at parties. They are almost never written down. We know how that usually goes. Maybe you are one of those who actually accomplishes their resolutions but the majority of us don’t. That’s documented by study after study.

Even when we start with good intentions, it quickly fades.

resolutions meme - I'm opening a gym called Resolutions. It will have exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks and then turn into a bar for the rest of the year.

In fact, one of my favorite memes is the one about opening a gym called Resolutions. After the first two weeks of the year it turns into a bar!

More Than Resolutions

What IS significant about New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day is that it is a symbolic opportunity to start over. We are starting a new year and for many that means a fresh start; an opportunity to start over.

Orient Yourself

However, a new start requires more than just the resolve. We have to know

Where we are now
Where do we want to go
What do we need to do to get there

Reflect and Plan

It is likely that during the time period between Christmas and New Years Day your business has slowed down a bit. Even if it hasn’t, you should be able to set aside some time during that week. Try to make it at least about 4-8 hours total.

1. Reflect

For the first part you are going to make two lists. One list will be looking back at what you actually accomplished that year. Be generous. Even if things didn’t go exactly as planned and even if it was a big surprise, write it down.

Now list things that you wished you had accomplished during the year. On this list, include things you planned but did not accomplish. Also include opportunities you missed.

The purpose of this is to first see that you actually got things done; even if they aren’t numerous. The second purpose is to see what you want or need to move forward.

2. Target Goals

The next part is to make your list of what you want to accomplish. Take a look at what was unfinished from the past year. Is any of it still relevant? If it didn’t get done, what got in the way? Is that roadblock still there? How will you get around it?

Don’t rush this part. Think it through. Think about where you want to be in a year’s time. What do you want to be proud of? How will you make the biggest impact on others? What will help you add more value?

3. Make a Plan

Now that you have your annual goals, it’s time to create a roadmap. It needs to include at least monthly, if not weekly, activities that move you closer to your goals. In some cases, it may be even daily.

For example, if you want to trim down a little and lose a few inches off your belly, there are likely weekly and perhaps even daily activities you need to do to get there. Determine what those precise activities are and how often and how long you need to do them each time. In other words, create a timeline of activities.

4. Fill Your Calendar

Finally, add everything to your calendar. I mean EVERYTHING! What gets scheduled gets done. Block out times for each activity you need to do to accomplish your goals. Those calendar items become daily reminders to work on your goals and they set aside time to do it. I know for me one of my biggest hurdles is a very erratic schedule. Blocking out the calendar helps.

5. Be a 1%er

Don’t try to do it all at once, but do it intentionally and do it daily. Focus on simply Improving yourself by 1% a day. That doesn’t sound like much but it can be a multiplier. Think about it. Just 1% a day builds on the 1% the day before. After a year, you haven’t grown 365%; it’s actually many times over that!

A great year is ahead of you IF you are willing to take the time to plan one. This is the time.

Need to bounce some things off someone or need a little help? Drop me a line at psimkins(at)Boldlylead.com or call me at 321-355-2442.

How Love Makes a Difference in the Workplace

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Leading with Love

Tis the Season

Christmas is love. Dog Jack Russell Terrier in a house decorated with a Christmas tree and gifts wishes happy Holiday and Christmas Eve

Love at Christmas. Even people who aren’t particularly faithful will celebrate Christmas. We give gifts, we buy gifts for others, we receive gifts from others, we spend a lot of time with family. And we celebrate Christmas because of the importance of the event and what it means to us; even people who don’t follow it very strongly really understand what Christmas is all about.

At the core, what Christmas is really all about is LOVE! It’s about how we love others!

And this is the opportunity that it presents to us: the opportunity to love others. To put the focus on other people for at least a little bit of time so we can care for them and add value to them.

The Every Day Season

That same attitude we employ during this season is what drives our relationships the rest of the year. To Boldly Lead people follows an essential process.

We CARE for people
So can then CONNECT with them
In order to INFLUENCE them
Setting us up to LEAD them

So it starts with caring. Yet here’s the catch.

You cannot care for anyone you don’t love.

Love in Business – that’s Weird!

Now it may seem odd using that word in the context of leadership and business. Yet it depends greatly on how you define it. If you only think of love in romantic terms then this seems really….weird. And perhaps a little disturbing. And in light of recent events and public revelations of inappropriate behavior it may even seem career killing.

But there is more than one way to love others. In fact, in an article in Psychology Today, author Dr. Neel Burton outlines seven types of love.

Eros – Romantic
Philia – Friendship
Storge – Familial
Agape – universal or charitable
Ludus – playful or uncommitted (think flirting)
Pragma – practical love, born of reason or duty
Philautia – Self-love, i.e., your self-esteem and confidence

Try a Business Related Love

In his book Love is the Killer App, Tim Sanders defines a workplace related love. He calls it BizLove. It would most closely related to Pragma but also Philautia plays a part.

BizLove means that you engage in the sensible sharing of intangibles to promote other people’s growth. In other words, the growth and development of your people is your primary concern.

In order to do that, you must have a good enough self-esteem and confidence that you don’t feel threatened by the growth of others. And it means that you regard caring for others important enough to make it a priority and a daily event.

Look at it this way, Everyone on your team has improved their ability to contribute and applied that to team goals or organizational goals. How does that improve your team? Your organization? How does it increase YOUR value?

[tweetthis]Love creates the circumstances by which we excel, particularly by helping others excel.[/tweetthis]

Love Applied

So here’s a few things that I want you to do during this holiday season to really celebrate what Christmas is all about and share that love. This will set the stage for practicing your BizLove as well.

Do something for someone else who can never pay you back. Focus on that, look to do that daily; something for someone who can never pay you back. That’s what love really means; when you don’t expect a reward or a payback, what can you do for others.
Take time out from the gift giving to appreciate the gift of everyone you encounter. What’s special about the people you spend your time and relationships with? Tell them. Tell them what they mean to you and that will make a world of difference to them!
Look around you and appreciate the LOVE that the creator has shown you by surrounding you with blessings! Even when you don’t necessarily see them.

I hope you have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Want to help spread the message of love in your organization? Book me to speak at your next gathering. Contact me at psimkins(at)BoldlyLead.com for more details.