Five Ways to Become Trustworthy

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Number One Trait

Some years back UCLA did a survey of 1300 executives around the country and they asked for five traits that were keys to advancement for employees. All 1300 of them included INTEGRITY somewhere in the list.

Here’s the real kicker.

71% of them rated INTEGRITY NUMBER ONE!

Being TRUSTWORTHY is an integral part of integrity. So, obviously, being trustworthy is a critical character trait if you want to move up the corporate ladder, keep your employees, or build your customer base.

Bob Burg will tell you that

All things being equal people will do business with people they know, like, and TRUST.

The first law of the Boy Scout Law, which defines how a Boy Scout is supposed to live their life, is A Scout is Trustworthy. Here’s the explanation:

“A Scout always tells the truth. He is honest and keeps his promises. People can depend on him.”

Our trustworthiness is also quite obviously a key to our relationships with others. If your spouse or significant other can’t trust you, the relationship is destroyed. If your friends can’t trust you and count on you, then they will simply no longer expect anything from you and eventually will simply stop being around you or having your around.

If your co-workers can’t trust you, then you will not be able to function as part of a team. If you employees can’t trust you, they will become disengaged and productivity suffers; not to mention the bottom line.

We know this, yet somehow the focus on trust seems to be lost somewhere in the desire to “close the deal” or secure what we want.

When we focus on trust, however, we find that acquiring those things and closing that deal becomes easier because of who we are and what we stand for.

When we are trustworthy, we are the go to person that everyone counts on to make it happen. That has value in so many ways, including financially.

Being trustworthy is the deal-maker…or the deal breaker.

Here are some ways you can build trust on a daily basis:

PRODUCE RESULTS – when you have a proven track record of accomplishing things people will trust you to do the things you say you are going to do. To meet the deadline or to accomplish the task no matter how challenging it is.
GIVE YOUR WORD ONLY WHEN YOU MEAN IT – Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
KEEP YOUR WORD AT ALL COSTS – This is critical. When people know that no matter what you are going to do what you say you are going to do, then your trustworthiness grows and builds over time.
BE CONSISTENT – Consistency is a key to both trustworthiness and integrity. People need to know what they can count on.
RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS – When you show respect for other people and respect yourself, then people will believe and trust that you are who you say you are and you will do what you say you are going to do.

Why You Waste 12 Hours a Day of Your Precious Time

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Too Much Time on Trivia

Spending a little time doing research on this, I wanted to find out what the top time wasters we use are. While opinions vary there are some items that popped up on pretty much everyone’s list and you probably know which ones. That said, let’s look at some of the top daily time wasters and how much time they take.

FACEBOOK
Is it any surprise that this shows up on the list? For many people, their world revolves around Facebook and similar social networks. On a Marketing Charts website article, they report that Americans 18-64 spend an average of 2-3.5 hours per day on social networks. The number slides higher depending on age group and other demographics. Interestingly, business owners spend more time on social networks than non-business owners. In many workplaces, they thought that they had managed this problem early on by blocking social networks. That worked until people got smartphones with Facebook apps. Let’s call it 3.5 hours a day.
EMAIL
Again, no big surprise. What do most people do first thing when they get to work or boot up their computer? Check their email. We check it again an hour later. And then again an hour after that. And again. And again. Many even check it just before they call it a day. It becomes really time-consuming when we receive mailings from a variety of sources with people who want some of our time and/or money. We gotta filter through all that and then read the “urgent” stuff. Another 3 hours per day.
TELEVISIONReally?! But it is so educational! (yes, that was sarcasm) Many will tell you that you should find an alternative, like the wonderful recording features on many systems today. But that just means you will watch it later. Either way you are wasting time. Not too long ago our TV went out and was out for a couple of weeks. We found other things to do. Most peaceful two weeks in a long time. Still wondering why I fixed it. Average of 5 hours per day.

Wow! Let’s stop there. Just in those three items we have 11.5 hours of time spent out of our day. All those things are useful but none of them are critical; if we spend any more than an hour total on any of them we are wasting time. And this does not take into account the time we spend on other things like instant messaging or texting, pointless meetings, various interruptions during the day, generally surfing the web, and procrastinating. But there is one that I think is the most critical, first because I think it is the source of most of the others and second because of the effect it has on us overall. And that time waster is multi-tasking. We will talk about that on Friday.

Get Time Back

Knowledge is great, but action is better. How can we manage this a little better?

If Facebook is not part of your work, then you should invoke a no social networking rule during the work day. Chances are your company does not permit it and even doing it on your smartphone during business hours violates company policy. Besides that, it’s just not right. If you simply must, check it during lunch elsewhere.
If Facebook IS a part of your work, as it is for many small businesses and entrepreneurs, then block time out for it on the schedule in both the morning and afternoon, each one with a 30-minute limit.
Do not, I repeat DO NOT, check your email first thing in the morning. Save it until mid-morning after you have had the opportunity to eat a few frogs. Create a tagging system for marking emails. When you view your inbox, scan the messages and quickly and use your tagging system to mark them as urgent, critical, important, or not important. Urgent emails you respond to immediately, critical emails within a few hours, important emails by the end of the day, and not important emails either get filed or deleted. That allows you to get through it within 30 minutes each time, likely even less. Another thing: nothing stays in the inbox. Act on it, file it, or delete it.
This one is easy. Make TV time earned. Works for children, it will work for you. Half-hour segments of TV time is earned by meeting objectives or goals. Or do it by program if you wish. Either way, the idea is that you don’t watch TV unless you have earned it by accomplishment. Better yet, just keep it off and find something else to entertain you. Delegate the time to personal growth. Read a book or watch a webinar. Remember the caveat

Really successful people have large libraries and small televisions.

No matter whether you work for a large or small company, are a business owner, network marketer, run a charity, or manage a household; getting things done is a matter of managing the things that can waste your time. Knowing what they are and developing systems to handle them in definitive periods of time will go a long way towards making your day more productive and helping you find time for things you enjoy.

Action Plan

Buy a journal or notebook and document your time from the moment you wake up until you go to bed. Do this for at least three days but preferably a week. Include everything, no matter how insignificant it might seem. What you want is a good idea of how you are spending ALL your time.
Total up the time you spend per day on non-critical things like the activities above. Remember, social networking is not essential unless you use it to market yourself or your business IS social networking.
Create time limits and block out time on the schedule for those activities. Make sure that the beginning of the day is spent doing critical activities for the day, especially the ones you don’t really want to do or procrastinate on (eating the bullfrogs).
Follow the new schedule for 3-5 days and again document your activities. How much free time did you discover? Were you more productive and effective?

The Strongest Time Management Tool You Have

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Finding the Time

There’s lots of information out there about time management and how to find more time and get the best out of your available time. In our world, we have lots of things that demand our time and want a piece of our day.

Our work which can take 40 or more hours a week
Our house which demands we clean it occasionally
Our family which would like meals every now and then
Our kid that would like us to take them to dance class
Our other kid that would like us to them to football practice
Our other other kid who would like a playdate
Our elderly parents who would like use to drop by and help them with something
Our church committee that wants us to volunteer to help out with the rummage sale
Our spouse who would like us to pay a little attention to them while they tell us about THEIR day
The dog who would like to go for a walk
Our laundry that needs to be washed
Our friend who would like to catch up over coffee/beer
Our local charity that wants us to participate in a fund raiser

And the list goes on. From the moment we rise until we collapse exhausted in our bed, there are demands on our time. They come at us from all directions and call us to action on their behalf. And we respond, because we are people of action and people of action take action when called upon in the service of others, right?

So, how do you deal with all that? Isn’t there some special trick or time management technique that is going to help me get all this in? Isn’t that some super secret technique that I can apply that will help me manage and free up my time?

The Time Management Solution

Well, as a matter of fact, there is! This is actually a secret that has been available for centuries but little used as of late. In fact, it seems like many people aren’t even aware of this secret, not even sure of its existence. It is both simple and hard. But if you apply it constructively, you will be amazed at how much time it will free up. Do you wanna know what this secret is; the key to handling your time with skill and clarity?

Here it is.

Listen up!

Come closer!

The secret is:

Say NO.

That simple. NO. When someone says, you are such a go-getter can I convince you take on another project for our church committee?

NO.

You don’t owe an explanation. They are not entitled to one.

You are not an evil person for saying NO. You are not selfish. In fact, you are being considerate and caring. You are wanting to save yourself for the things where you can really add value by choosing the places you serve and when you serve. A Mayo Clinic report even suggests that learning to say NO is healthy, allowing you to be at your best for others.

The key is you are naturally not going to say NO to everything. You are, however, going to say NO when the activity is not the best use of your time, talents, and abilities. You will say YES where the opportunities to serve allow you to provide maximum value. As John Maxwell says, you must learn to

Say NO to the good so you can say YES to the best!

Years ago, I was asked by my church to serve as the church treasurer. A high profile role and I was lured by the promise that such a position would bring me to the forefront of the lay leadership within the church. Now, I will likely never be known as a financial wizard. My wife, Sherry, balances the checkbook and handles accounts. She is good at that. I am not and don’t really want to be. Despite all that, I said yes.

Big mistake. Because of my lack of skill, it took way too long to complete any of the responsibilities of the role. Balancing accounts became an all-nighter. This was not made easier by my general distaste for doing any of it anyway. So my motivation waned, the job suffered, and eventually I left the role by mutual agreement. I said yes to the wrong thing. It was not the best use of my skills and abilities and did not allow me to provide maximum value to the church, so we all suffered as a result.

Employ the secret. Say NO. Expect the best out of yourself and refuse to be placed where you cannot give it.

Do yourself and others a big favor and employ the strongest time management tool you have: you ability to make a choice.

Say NO to the good so you can say YES to the best.

Exaggerating Your Fear

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Two Sides of Fear

Fear is both a positive and negative; there is good fear and bad fear. The fear that says don’t move in for a closer look at that snake is a good one (at least for me). The fear that says don’t chase your dream because catastrophic things will happen would be what we call a bad fear.

Appearing Real

Even a bad fear can seem very real to us in the moment. It can seem so real as to become paralyzing. In yesterdays post, How Fear Holds You Back – The Good and Bad, we talked about the acronym of FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real. That’s the whole point; we are either presented with a false set of facts or, more commonly, create our own false set of facts to define reality. That protective impulse in our minds fights dirty and will use whatever means at its disposal to convince you to avoid any kind of risky situation; whether you are risking life and limb or simply risking financial ruin. If left unchecked, our mind will take us to the extreme, defining earth-shattering, negative events born out from every positive step we take towards achievement of our goals.

How in the world do you beat that? How do you overcome you mind’s tendency to pull you to the extreme?

Take Fear to YOUR Extreme

According to an article by the University of Florida Counseling and Wellness Center, it’s simple. Go to the extreme on your own. If you are able to take the fear to the extreme outcome in your conscious mind, you can get there before unconscious mind does. The advantage of doing this means you have control. Here’s how I get there, but it requires a little set-up first.

Define the fear in specific terms. What exactly is the fear that haunts your mind? For example, some people have what is called a Fear of Success. While there are several forms of it, one is a version of low self-esteem. You could be afraid that if you achieve success and become well-known that everyone will discover what a fraud you are. Until you can define you fear in terms like that, you can’t move on to the next step, which is
Note your self-talk. When those fears pop up, what are you saying to yourself? Studies have shown again and again that the most important thing is not what others say about you but rather what you say to yourself about you. Look for trigger words and phrases that signal that decline into a negative self-talk.
Take the scenarios you have been imaging to the extreme. Go as overboard as you want to go! Make it ridiculous! Outlandish! Keep pushing it until it becomes absolutely absurd! Using our example above, what would happen if you were discovered to be a fraud, that you don’t really know what you are talking about?

Well, of course, it would make new internationally. Lesley Stahl of 60 Minutes and Wolf Blitzer of CNN are wrestling on your front doorstep for priority rights to the expose of your downfall! Norman Vincent Peale says you have no hope! The whole Earth’s rotation has reversed itself resulting in catastrophic events around the world all due to your error! Martians have invaded! The Borg are trying to assimilate everyone due to the weakness you have created through your grievous error! The Devil himself……well, you get the picture.

By taking it to the absurd extremes, you not only get yourself to lighten up a bit, but you put perspective on it as well. You can then question what the likelihood of any of the imagined circumstances actually occurring.By the way, one thing that helped me was to simply discover that others, even the very famous, typically feel the same way. How do you think Les Brown felt when he was giving motivational speeches while living out of an empty office? Yet, today, Les is one of the foremost motivational speakers, commanding large audiences and big fees and making a positive impact in thousands, perhaps millions, of lives.
Change your self-talk. Remind yourself that you ARE prepared to do this, that you will learn from your failures, that you are intelligent and resourceful. Talk about how much of a difference you will make in people’s lives when you are able to share with them what you have to offer. Write it down if necessary and repeat it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. Don’t just read it, say it out loud and with emotion. This helps embed it in your mind.
ACT NOW! Don’t wait for your mind to create new fears and new situations, go to work right away to do something positive towards you goal. Nothing kills fear like positive action.

Action Plan

What is your BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)? What is the one big fear that is keeping you from moving on it right now? Apply the process above to it.
Come back here and tell me how you did. Or, if you want it private, call me at 321-355-2442 and let me know.

How Fear Holds You Back – The Good and the Bad

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The Basis of Fear

According to Psychology Today, fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger. If we didn’t feel it, then we could not protect ourselves from legitimate danger. Life and death can hinge on our fear and our reactions to it. Our survival rate would be extremely low if not for the fear that helps us to regulate our behavior during moments of crisis. Fear is not our problem.

Natural Functioning of Fear

Our problem comes when the fear engine kicks into high gear, often due to past experience. Almost all fears we have of situations that are not life-threatening are what psychologists call “conditioned response“. Something happened somewhere in our past that now triggers a fear response in us. On a basic level, for example, an experience I had with a snake has led to a dislike and sometimes fear of snakes. I don’t shriek and run the other way, but I am also not likely to approach it. When I go camping with our Boy Scout troop and I happen to spot a snake, someone will invariably ask me what kind of snake it is. My response is always,

“I don’t know, I did not get that close!”

On another level, past experiences with risk situations that led to devastating results can create conditioned responses in us that lead to fear. People with Reactive Attachment Disorder develop an overwhelming fear of bonding relationships with people because of past experiences where trusted relationships betrayed them or took advantage of them or abused them. Others, on a lower-level, have a past romantic relationship that ended badly and avoid future romantic relationships. An employee encounters a boss who berated them or humiliated them when they came up with a creative idea and develops the fear of making a contribution.

Unnatural Fear

Even more so, our mind has a natural tendency to protect us in every situation, even to the point of creating scenarios that don’t even exist just to keep us from placing ourselves into potential danger, whether real or not. Fear and resistance build up. Every time we go to stretch ourselves – to push out of our comfort zone, to take a risk – we start to imagine all the things that will go wrong. We will be publicly humiliated. The newspapers will carry front page headlines documenting our failure. Our boss will fire us. Our family will disown us. Our friends will make fun of us. We will sit on the curb broke, destitute, with no future prospects and no hope. This one failure will destroy us!

You see where it goes. The more we focus on it, the more our fears run away with the perception of what will happen. Many like to reassure people by saying that FEAR is simply

False Evidence Appearing Real

While not entirely accurate, it’s a good start towards working on our fears. When we understand that often our fear is based on situations that are imagined, we can begin to put them into perspective. Once we regain perspective, it becomes easier to work past the fear and take the risks we need to take to succeed in life. So the key is not to conquer fear, because we can’t. Fear is a natural part of our body’s system and we cannot get rid of it. What we can do is learn to manage it, to work with it, and work beyond it.

In the posts the rest of the week, we will examine ways in which we can manage our fears and be productive.