Mindset – Handling Fear Part II

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Ripping the Shirt Off of Fear

It’s July 10, 1999 and in Pasadena, California Team USA and China are battling for the Women’s World Cup Soccer Championship in the Rose Bowl. This is the largest attended women’s sports event in history. At the end of regulation play, the score is tied and it goes to overtime. In overtime, Brandi Chastain intently lines up for a penalty kick. She sets herself, runs up to the ball, and launches it into the upper right corner of the goal to score and in her now famous celebration pulls her shirt off in mid-field. A win and championship for Team USA!

Tell me, what do you think was going through her mind? Was Brandi thinking about how she was going to blow it?

Pointing to Success

Going back further, in one of the greatest sports moments of all time, George Herman “Babe” Ruth of the New York Yankees steps up to home plate in the fifth inning of Game 3 of the 1932 World Series. The score is tied 5-5 and the Chicago Cubs players on the bench have been riding the Babe mercilessly. As Ruth steps to the plate, he makes a gesture that many believe has him pointing to the center field wall after taking strike one from the pitcher, seemingly declaring his intention. He did it again after strike two. On the next pitch, the Babe mightily smacked the ball deep into center field and over the fence for a home run! It is estimated the ball traveled 490 feet! The Yankees went on to win the World Series in a four-game sweep.

Whether you believe the intent of the gesture or not, do you believe for one minute that Babe Ruth, who not only held the record for homeruns but also for strikeouts, focused on what would happen if he didn’t deliver?

The difference in success and failure is often a matter of how we handle our fears. Dr. Heidi Halvorson, co-author of the book Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing The World For Success and Influence, says that handling that fear effectively is often a matter of mindset. It’s all about where we focus our attention. According to Dr. Halvorson, we have a choice of one of two mindsets when faced with accomplishing a goal or meeting a deadline or performing during a critical moment. We can have a what she calls a Prevention Focus; where we concentrate on the negative aspects of the situation. The concentration is on NOT messing up. We do this in our daily lives and with others. When a parent tells a child who wants to help set the table,

“Okay, but this is our best dinnerware, don’t drop it!”

With instructions like that, you might as well trip the kid yourself. Or a manager tells an employee,

“it is very important that you don’t blow this account.“

Best example I can think of is the story Zig Ziglar tells of the 1982 football playoffs between the Dallas Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers. With Dallas ahead and less than a minute left on the clock, Dallas implemented the Prevent Defense. Joe Montana dropped back and threw a pass deep into the end zone that appeared to be sailing for out of bounds when Dwight Clark jumped up and made a fingertip catch for San Francisco to win the game. Later, someone asked Cowboys owner Tex Schramm about what made the difference and he said,

“The Dallas Cowboys were determined NOT TO LOSE the game. The 49ers were determined to WIN the game and that made the difference!”

So prevention focus centers on trying not to lose the game.

The opposite then is Promotion Focus. In this mindset, you are focused on what you have to gain when you are successful. “If I complete this project on time, our company will collect a big bonus from our customer.” Promotion Focus centers on the win, always opting for growth, willing to take the risk to see the reward, and quick to take action.

Promotion Focus people tend to have better and more consistent results than Prevention Focus people. You have a tendency toward one or the other but the good news is that it’s not born in you. It is something that has been learned, placed into your brain by the attitudes of people to whom you bonded, other people influential in your life, and combined with past experiences. So, if your tendency is towards the cautious, risk avoiding, and tentative nature of Prevention Focus, the good news is you can change. It is a matter of changing your mindset.

Start by imagining a change you wish to make or project you wish to start. List all the possible positive outcomes from successfully making that change or completing the project. Don’t downplay it, but also don’t go overboard. In most cases, you aren’t going to be a guest on The Ellen Degeneres Show because you completed a proposal package ahead of schedule for a client. But you will likely make a favorable impression on the client, which can lead to award of the project and potential future projects.

You may get referrals to other clients and generate a significant increase in business income and grow your business.
You may be able to hire staff and afford to take vacations.
You can build your reputation within the industry.
Your self-esteem goes up.

Imagine every possible positive outcome of making the change and WRITE IT DOWN! Then, every time you start feeling fearful, bring out the list and read it to yourself over and over again until you feel more in control.

Determine for yourself to Play to Win instead of Playing Not to Lose.

Action Plan

Take Dr. Halvorson’s FOCUS Diagnostic assessment to see whether you have a Prevention Focus or a Promotion Focus. Warning: be prepared to list about 12 attributes you would like to possess.
Think about one big thing you want to accomplish; it can be a current project or a dream, particularly if you have been feeling a lot of fear over it. Write down all the possible positive outcomes of accomplishing it and post it prominently. Set a start date.

Dreams Like a Weakling!

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Teddy Roosevelt was a Weakling!

It’s true. Growing up, Theodore Roosevelt, Jr., the 26th President of the United States, known for his gregarious personality, adventure-loving and thrill-seeking lifestyle, leader of the Rough Riders, and one of the faces on Mount Rushmore, was actually a sickly, frail child. He was so asthmatic that he had to sleep propped up in bed. He had frequent illnesses. He was almost literally a 98-pound weakling physically!

I don’t tell you this to try to take down another public figure. If that was the whole story it would certainly be a negative, and malicious attempt to destroy someone regarded as one of, if not the, greatest Presidents of the United States. Obviously, however, he didn’t stay that way.

As Theodore (he actually hated being called Teddy) entered his teens he desired to become something more. Encouraged by his father, he began boxing lessons, working out, and reading a steady stream of books to improve himself. He quickly improved both physically and mentally and led a life of great experiences and adventures, including becoming at 42 years of age the youngest person ever elected President.

Even after that, he never stopped learning and growing. He read thousands of books over his lifetime (which meant several books a DAY) and legend has it that after he died in his sleep and they removed him from the bed they found a self-improvement book he had been reading.

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream. –C.S. Lewis

Putting All You Got Into a Dream

There is a point here. Roosevelt had visions, he had dreams of what he wanted to be, and he pursued them with passion and enthusiasm. He had his detractors and enemies, including very famously Mark Twain, but never let it stop him or even slow him down. He continued to dream new dreams and set new goals, even up until he died. Despite his robust life, he battled Rheumatoid Arthritis most of his adult life and lived with a bullet in his chest for many years. Still, he kept on learning and growing and dreaming, preparing himself as well as he could for the next adventure and the next episode of his life.

Theodore Roosevelt knew you had to GROW INTO YOUR DREAMS!

They don’t just happen. You achieve your dreams only when you fill your pursuit of them with passion and enthusiasm, prepare yourself for when your dreams arrive, expect to achieve them, and pounce on the opportunity when it arrives. As Zig Ziglar says

You were born to win! But to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win!

Action Plan

If you haven’t written your dreams down, now is the time to do so.
Have it written down? Now, think about how life will be when you achieve it. You need to create a very specific vision of achieving your dream in order to commit it to your mind and develop a passion and enthusiasm for achieving it.
Now think about how you need to prepare for it. Consider yourself a poor marketer and know you will need to effectively market yourself to achieve your dream? Read marketing books and attend workshops on marketing. Need to develop your leadership skills? Find a leadership coach, attend workshops and seminars, join a leadership mastermind, identify your leadership strengths. Just need to grow yourself overall? Find a growth coach, read self-improvement books, join mastermind groups of other like-minded people to help each other grow. Preparation is key!

Get Your Dream Out of Your Head

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A Dream in Your Head is Called a Fantasy

One of the things I have noticed in my talks with people about their dreams is how many have to search their minds for exactly what their dream is. In fact, that’s the only place they have their dream documented. “I have it all up here!” they proudly proclaim, yet seem to have trouble finding it in that filing system.

It doesn’t work! You need to get your dream out of your head and down on paper! When you write down your dream, you have made it more than just a dream. You have made it a goal. You have given it substance. As Napoleon Hill said in Think and Grow Rich

A goal is a dream with a deadline.

When you document it, you commit to it probably truly for the first time. Things written down tend to have more meaning and permanency to them, like an ancient king making a declaration and then saying, “so let it be written, so let it be done!”

If we put it down on paper, we put it not only in our minds but in our hearts as well.

Now when I say paper I simply mean documented somewhere. You can do it in Word on your computer. There are lots of apps out there for tablets and smartphones. I use Evernote because I can synch it between my tablet, my smartphone, and my laptop and access the same information everywhere.

However, you do it, DO IT!

When it is documented it takes on legs. And wings! It spurs you on to action so much more than if you simply keep it “all up here!” It creates a visualization that helps you really paint a vivid picture of what you dreamed about. It becomes detailed and real and tangible. You begin to see it, feel it, touch it, taste it! It moves from the realm of “one day, it would be nice” to “gotta have it NOW!” and you begin to build your case and your plan.

How to Record Your Dream

Here’s a few great ways to get your dreams down “on paper”. Remember that detail is important here. The more you write down the dream with all the trimmings — the who, what, when, where, why — the more real it becomes and the more likely you are to take action.

The simple one is…get a sheet of paper and write it down. Or buy a composition notebook. Or if you want a lot more guidance along this lines, buy a goals planner. Zig Ziglar publishes a great one but it can be pricey. Here is a shorter version you can download as a PDF. I used this and it was sufficient for the time being.
Use an online application or use Evernote to write down your dreams in detail.
Create a “vision board” using pictures to represent your dream or dreams. Vision boards are great because it completes that step of visualization, making your dream real and tangible, that we talked about earlier. If you want to have an online version of this, consider using Pinterest. You can create a page with your vision board and make it private. It’s about the only real good usage I have found out of Pinterest at all.

Action Plan

Set aside time tonight to think about your dreams. Brainstorm for 15 minutes and write down every dream that comes into your head. Don’t evaluate them, write them down.
After the 15 minutes is up, look at what you wrote. Pick out the top three to five to start working on right away.
Write them down in detail using whatever method you have chosen. But write them down, don’t keep them in your head.

Focus or Flurry – Is it Urgent?

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Focus Requires Urgent Action

All week the topic has been focus; the importance of focus and where you place your focus, the difference between being productive vs just being busy (focus or flurry), and I shared my personal story of how I am learning to focus my efforts in specific areas instead of trying to be all things to all people. I believe that personal growth is the first step in the process for everyone. Without recognizing that intentional personal growth is critical to your success, you leave “money on the table” in terms of how much more of your potential you can realize. You may even leave real money on the table by shorting yourself on growth. So, my focus will be on helping you grow and part of that is focusing on what you really want to achieve.

I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Being willing is not enough, we must do.

Leonardo Da Vinci

What is Urgent to You?

What are the achievements that have your focus right now? Do they feel urgent? If not, you may want to re-evaluate them or their importance. The problem for most of us is a lack of urgency driving us. There is always tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. As Brian Tracy and others put it, so many of us live on Someday Isle. We talk about our dreams and say, “Someday I’ll…..” We rationalize away with reasons we can’t start now. When the economy gets better, when I have a little bit more money, when the administration changes. It’s not the right time. The holidays are coming up and nobody cares about this stuff during the holidays. Wait until after the holidays and come January I will get started. Then it’s recovering from the holidays. Then it’s too cold. Then it’s spring break for the kids. Then it’s Spring and we should spend some time outdoors before it gets too hot. Wait until the kids get out of school. Well, the kids are out of school and underfoot all the time. Wait until they go back to school. Then school starts and things are hectic and the school football team is winning and we must go to the games and then the holidays are coming and….there we are all over again.

Urgent Demise

The Law of Diminishing Returns, while originally an economic concept, also applies here in a different way. The law says that the greater the time span between when you get an idea or come up with a dream and the when you take action on it, the less likely you are to ever do anything at all. In other words, the longer you wait exponentially increases the chances that you never will. The longer you wait, the more it becomes just a dream. It’s hold on you diminishes with each passing day. That alone should create a sense of urgency for you.

Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.

Jim Rohn

Urgent Action

So, how do we avoid this? Mel Robbins, author of Stop Saying You’re Fine, tells people to apply the five-second rule. No, the not the one having to do with food dropped on the floor. In this case, the five second rule mandates that you must take action on an idea within five seconds of having the idea.

It doesn’t have to be necessarily massive action.

In fact, most of the time it is simply writing down on paper the first step you have to take to move forward and then set a deadline date.

Just that simple action, executed within five seconds after conceiving the idea, greatly increases your chances of doing that first action.

Many say that are waiting for inspiration or until they “feel motivated”.

It will never happen. Motivator and Success Trainer Frank Tibolt says

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration almost never generates action.

Decide to take action. Little bits add up as long as you keep it up. Start now. Make it urgent.

Action Plan

What is the one thing you have always wanted to do? What is one thing you can do right away to move closer to it?

Focus or Flurry – A Personal Lesson in Purpose

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Three Years of Focus AND Flurry

Almost three years ago I began this journey to have my own business. I felt it was my purpose to help others learn to become better leaders and better team members. I joined a program to be certified by John Maxwell (one of my mentors) as a leadership coach and become a Founding Partner of the John Maxwell Team of independent coaches. While I have seen some victories, it has not become the overnight, overwhelming success I imagined it to be. Which doesn’t mean it won’t be, just not necessarily on the timetable I originally envisioned.

It’s my own fault; every bit of it. Lack of real focus and a flurry of activity in multiple directions. Friends and family who mean well try to give me an out and mention that the economy is down, small businesses all over are struggling. It’s not your fault. But it is.

Not Giving Up

Let me be clear: I am not calling it quits. I still firmly believe I was meant to do this and will continue to try to do it until I am physically or mentally unable to. However, it’s important to recognize where you have failed and even more importantly, how you can learn from that failure. My two biggest failures have been lack of real focus and lack of strong purpose.

There have been other failures as well. Lack of a real solid plan for getting and keeping clients, lack of a comprehensive marketing plan, poor money management, etc. Passion sometimes blinds us to the realities of life. Just because I have something to say that can help others doesn’t necessarily mean they will beat down the door.

Choose Growth to Find Purpose and Focus

Reading John Maxwell’s latest book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn has helped me put this in perspective. I can mope and whine about my great failures or I can learn my lessons from it and move forward and do better.

I choose to learn and grow and get better. So my purpose of sharing all this with you today isn’t to bemoan my failures and give up; in fact, quite the opposite. I will grow stronger and become more effective and that will equip me even more to add value to you going forward.

So what are my lesson learned and what am I doing about it? Here’s a brief summary:

Enrolled in a marketing training program to become a better marketer of my services. I am using ActionPlan.com and highly recommend Robert Middleton as he makes this easy to understand and has excellent hands-on experiences.
Narrowing my focus and defining my purpose. There are thousands of leadership coaches out there. What can I do that is unique and provides value? After blogging every day now for over a month, I am finding myself focusing a great deal on personal growth qualities and most of my work going forward will focus on that.
Re-structuring of systems I use to acquire contacts and maintain communication with them

The biggest lesson which I really had to wrap my head around: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL AND EVEN TO FAIL REPEATEDLY as long as you learn. Thomas Edison while trying to invent the lightbulb failed almost 100o times before he achieved success. Someone asked him how it felt to fail so many times and Edison replied

I didn’t fail 999 times, I simply learned 999 ways to NOT make a lightbulb!

Let’s move forward together and look forward to our failures! Let’s learn and grow and succeed together!

Action Plan

Where you have failed big recently? What have your learned from it? Spend some time thinking on the lessons you could or should learn.
Who can you team up with to help you see perspective and gain accountability for growing? If you can’t think of anyone, call me at 321-355-2442.