Sing It All You Want, But You Better Show Respect!

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Success Requires People

It’s a fact: no one has achieved any real, lasting success on their own. They have always done it by working with other people.

John Maxwell (Teamwork Makes the Dream Work), Jim Collins (From Good to Great), Ken Blanchard (High Five! The Magic of Working Together) and many others emphasize again and again, both from research and anecdotal evidence, that we are designed to achieve success with and through others. None of us is as smart as all of us.

So if you really want success, you need to work with and through other people.

And that means we need to get along with them.

Respect is the Start to Good Relationships

Respect is crucial to being able to get along with and work effectively with other people.

Herbert Casson once wrote:

“In handling men, there are three feelings that a man must not possess-fear, dislike and contempt. If he is afraid of men he cannot handle them. Neither can he influence them in his favor if he dislikes or scorns them. He must neither cringe nor sneer. He must have both self-respect and respect for others.”

Respect for others means that we truly care for others, we believe in others. We may not always agree with their politics or religion or even their choices, but we care for them and believe in them. Respect means we accept them for what they are now, not as we would hope them to be; even more importantly when they don’t think like we do.

This is the foundation of great marriages, fabulous families, thriving and relevant churches, and productive and effective organizations.

Granting Respect

Many will tell you that respect is earned but it’s not.

[snaptweet]Respect is granted; it is a conscious choice of the respecter to the respected.[/snaptweet]

You can do all the good and positive things in your life you want and there will be some who simply WILL NOT RESPECT YOU.

Does that mean you didn’t earn it?

Not necessarily; they may have simply refused to grant it.

Some will grant respect until you prove unworthy of it, based either on your position or standing or simply because of who they are as opposed to who you are. I tend to fall into this category.

Others require proof that you are worthy of respect and even power, position, or standing or status will not get you their respect until you can demonstrate your worthiness. I have always found this position to be kind of self-serving. I would rather have you prove me wrong for respecting you than spend a lot of time trying to meet an undeclared, usually unreachable, bar to earn my respect.

Self-respect then becomes critical because we can’t possibly respect others unless we respect ourselves. If we don’t measure up, then no one else does either. People who have low self-respect will never really respect others because they see no value in the relationship–because they see no value in themselves. Many who demand you earn their respect fall into this category.

Respect yourself, grant respect to others and you are well on your way to working effectively with others and achieving your dreams.

Keys to apply today:

DEVELOP YOUR SELF-RESPECT – Find the good in yourself. Write a list of what’s good about yourself.
BE A GOOD FINDER – It is easier to like and care for others when you focus on whats good about them.
Pick one person you encounter daily. Write down what you like about that person. Even the most obnoxious have something. If you can’t find anything, then the problem is you need to go back to number 1 because if you can’t find the good in yourself you can’t possibly find the good in others! Call them, write them a note or an email or visit in person and tell them how you appreciate them for those things you like about them.

How to Be the Big Hitter for Your Team

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Baseball Season!

We are coming up on another baseball season and I looked back on the statistics for the last season. The number hitter in all of baseball last year was Miguel Cabrera of the Detroit Tigers. He finished the season with a .338 batting average. What that means is that for every three times he went to bat he was only successful once. In other words, one-third of the time he successfully accomplished his job.

How does a hitter handle that? He goes to bat again; he goes up convinced that this time he is going to get a hit, whether or not he was successful the last time.

One of my all-time favorite players and another one of the great hitters in baseball was Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves. Aaron was the the first one to break Babe Ruth’s all-time homerun record. I remember watching it on television; even at that age I was a rapid Atlanta Braves fan. Hank Aaron was more than just a homerun hitter, he was a great hitter overall. When asked about how he accomplished so much in the game, he said,

My motto was always to just keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump, or feeling badly, or having trouble off the field; the only thing to do was to keep swinging!

The Key

There is the key to being the big hitter.

The successful DON’T STOP!

They keep going.

No matter what else is happening in their lives, they keep swinging and have the hope and belief that they will connect this time.

The salesman who wades through a hundred no’s until he gets to the yes.

The job applicant who goes to interview after interview, taking care to always look their best and always remain positive; enduring the uncertainty and lack of call backs until that time that the opportunity is offered to them.

The inventor who creates and redesigns products until she finds the one that meets the needs of enough people to make her prosperous.

Anyone who keeps adding value to others until they are able to reach their goals. Zig Ziglar said it best in his ageless statement

You can anything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want!

Keep Swinging

So how are some ways that we can keep swinging to become the big hitter?

REFLECTION – spend time learning lessons from your experiences
- Daily – keep a journal. Look back at the day’s experiences and what you have learned from them. Learn from the good and the bad.
- Quarterly – what’s working? what’s not working? what needs to change to help move you towards your goals?
- Annually – look at you accomplished in the last year and look forward to what you want to accomplish in the coming year
ACCEPT WHAT IS BUT NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH IT – Accept things as they are but be constantly looking for ways to make them better.
DON’T STOP! Whatever else happens, keep moving forward towards the kind of person you want to be.

And take time out to go see a ball game on occasion!

Stop Being A Gilligan and Grow!

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What Are You Doing?

So exactly how are you pursuing that dream or that goal?

You know, that thing you have always wanted to get to?

If you have ever listened to anyone about personal growth or success, they talk about getting your plans down on paper and setting the definitive plan for achieving your goals.

It’s Not Enough

But there is another step. You have to actually act upon that.

And this is where the plans fall apart for many people.

Brian Tracy says that many of us live on Someday Isle.

You’ve probably heard many people refer to it.

Someday, I’ll quit this job I hate.

Someday, I’ll begin that project I always wanted to do.

Someday, I’ll spend more time with the family.

Someday, I’ll volunteer with a non-profit.

Do you know people guilty of this?

Are you guilty of this?

I know that there are times when I am. I become so focused on the routine of the day or the fire of the moment, that I lose focus on the things I want to do and they get pushed to the back burner.

It’s kind of like the castaways from the television program, Gilligan’s Island. They got stranded there and set about making themselves comfortable and never really got off the island. Until cancellation that is. Yes, they tried some things but they were random and not sustained. But they kept saying, “Someday, we’ll get off this island!“

I can relate to Gilligan and the castaways many times in so many ways.

Someday?

The problem is that someday never comes and that’s not where our true success comes from. In fact, you are going to get your best results not by saying someday but through what you do on a day to day basis. John Maxwell said you will never change your life until you change something that you do daily. I like to think of it in terms of what you do on a day to day basis makes a difference in your life.

That’s what personal growth is all about.

Intentional Daily Growth

So what we are talking about is embarking on an intentional personal growth plan so that on a day to day basis you are working towards your goals. Set aside time on a day to day basis to work towards the goals that you have.

It ain’t easy, but nothing worth having is easy. But you know that.

If you focus on doing something on a day to day basis to move a little closer to your goals then incrementally it gets better.

Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the end result. Be a 1%er. Focus just on that 1% growth you can achieve today. Choose what you will do beforehand; don’t just pick anything.

Remember the goal here is to grow towards your goals, not grow randomly.

Schedule a specific block on your calendar every day. It doesn’t have to be long; start with just 15 minutes. Protect that time ruthlessly and commit yourself to it and its going to make a difference in your life.

Not just in the future, but today.

One Thing You Can Do NOW to Grow

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How Grows It?

So tell me how your personal growth journey is going.

Or more to the point…is it going?

Do you have a definitive plan? Is it written down on paper (or computer)? That alone is a great start.

Get Out of Your Head

Ask most people and they will tell you they have a plan but it’s all in their head. If you manage to get it out of them, you will find the plans vague at first. Not good enough.

Get out of your head and into your greatness. –Les Brown

Your personal growth plan has to be written down and it has to be specific. Not just what you want to do but by when and how. You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

But even that is not enough. You have to actually act upon that plan. This part can seem very overwhelming to most people because they see all that they have to do to reach their goal and it seems like so much that they get discouraged and just give up. Is that where you are? I know I have been there many times.

Bit by Bit

To overcome this, it helps to break it down. As they old saying goes you eat an elephant one bite at a time. Focus on what you can do right now to get a little closer to your goal. To become a better leader, connect better with people, build better relationships, learn to increase your influence; whatever your personal growth goals are they can be broken down into daily activities.

Become a 1%er

So think 1%.

Focus on growing yourself just 1% a day.

That’s a fairly easy thing to do. If you grow yourself by just one percent a day, then think about this: over one year you will have grown yourself 365 percent. Actually even more than that because it is exponential; one percent on one percent on one percent and so on. So if you focus on that one percent and do that on a daily basis, then you are going to get much closer to your goal.

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow. -Doug Fireball

Pick It and Plan It

Start with WHAT you are going to do daily to grow. Read a book, attend an online seminar, practice a particular skill. You need to have a specific activity. Random doesn’t work. When we are specific, we choose activities that actually lead us where we want to go. Random leads us anywhere.

I’m a big fan of what Zig Ziglar called “Automobile University“. Buy CD’s ( or use your MP3 player) and listen to learn. Motivational recordings, instructional programs, books on audio; there is a never ending supply. You can even borrow some from the public library.

Did you know that if you subscribe to Success Magazine (and you should) that there is a CD in every issue with tips and guidance from thought leaders?

Whatever you choose, stick with it until you finish it. And most importantly, schedule it. Your commute to work is ideal for this.

Become a 1%er today and move closer to achieving your goals.

Three Steps to Creating External Focus

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No Success Without External Focus

Success can be a very elusive thing. It’s daunting, frustrating, it seems to quite often be just out of reach.

We desire success and pursue it, yet somehow success keeps getting away just before we catch it.

mouse seeks a cookie video - success focus

Elusive Success

There is a video on YouTube that was popular for a while and went viral. It shows a mouse attempting to steal a cookie that is twice the size of the mouse and take it back to his hiding place. We can begin to feel like this mouse must have felt as attempt after attempt resulted in failure. This grand prize and yet we can’t bring it home.

Is Success the Focus?

Success can elusive, especially when we focus on success alone.

And that’s the problem.

When we focus simply on being a success, it’s very hard to be a success. Because that’s all it becomes about. Our dreams can make us focus on the inside sometimes, but that’s not what dreams are meant to do.

Our dreams aren’t meant to add value to us, our dreams are meant to add value to other people.

So if you learn to point your dreams and your actions outwardly – if you get an external focus – and learn how to care about other people, learn to focus on other people with your dreams, then you are going to see significantly more success than what you have seen in the past – all by creating an external focus.

When we place our focus on others, we learn to love others. We learn to care for others. We get to know their stories. We get to know their hopes and dreams. We begin to see value in them.

When we see value in people, we are then in a position to add value to them.

By adding value to others, we create value in ourselves. Once that happens, success will follow AS LONG AS WE REMAIN OPEN TO RECEIVING THE VALUE OTHERS WANT TO GIVE US.

But if we focus only on success, it remains out of reach.

Success, you see, is not a goal or a direct result of organized actions. Success is a by-product of our behaviors, attitudes, and actions on behalf of those we have chosen to serve. When we combine the power of our unique gifts and apply them to add value to other people – to create significance in their lives – success is a natural result.

Action Steps

Here’s a few thing to get you started in that direction:

CARE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU ENCOUNTER. Whether you encounter them once in a lifetime or whether you encounter them on a daily basis, learn to care for those people. Learn to connect with them. To find out more about them. To be naturally curious about other people. And from that, you are going to be able to seek to add value to other people to make a difference in their lives.
LISTEN TO PEOPLE. Listen to their concerns, listen to what their dreams are.
SHARE YOUR DREAM WITH THEM. You may be able to build relationships out of that which may seem to be a one-time thing but become lifelong, mutually beneficial relationships. People can’t add value to you unless you open up to them and make yourself vulnerable by sharing your passions and dreams.

If you need help getting started or even continuing your journey, I would love the opportunity to walk along side you. Call me at 321-355-2442 and let’s see how I can help.