Focus or Flurry – A Personal Lesson in Purpose

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Three Years of Focus AND Flurry

Almost three years ago I began this journey to have my own business. I felt it was my purpose to help others learn to become better leaders and better team members. I joined a program to be certified by John Maxwell (one of my mentors) as a leadership coach and become a Founding Partner of the John Maxwell Team of independent coaches. While I have seen some victories, it has not become the overnight, overwhelming success I imagined it to be. Which doesn’t mean it won’t be, just not necessarily on the timetable I originally envisioned.

It’s my own fault; every bit of it. Lack of real focus and a flurry of activity in multiple directions. Friends and family who mean well try to give me an out and mention that the economy is down, small businesses all over are struggling. It’s not your fault. But it is.

Not Giving Up

Let me be clear: I am not calling it quits. I still firmly believe I was meant to do this and will continue to try to do it until I am physically or mentally unable to. However, it’s important to recognize where you have failed and even more importantly, how you can learn from that failure. My two biggest failures have been lack of real focus and lack of strong purpose.

There have been other failures as well. Lack of a real solid plan for getting and keeping clients, lack of a comprehensive marketing plan, poor money management, etc. Passion sometimes blinds us to the realities of life. Just because I have something to say that can help others doesn’t necessarily mean they will beat down the door.

Choose Growth to Find Purpose and Focus

Reading John Maxwell’s latest book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn has helped me put this in perspective. I can mope and whine about my great failures or I can learn my lessons from it and move forward and do better.

I choose to learn and grow and get better. So my purpose of sharing all this with you today isn’t to bemoan my failures and give up; in fact, quite the opposite. I will grow stronger and become more effective and that will equip me even more to add value to you going forward.

So what are my lesson learned and what am I doing about it? Here’s a brief summary:

Enrolled in a marketing training program to become a better marketer of my services. I am using ActionPlan.com and highly recommend Robert Middleton as he makes this easy to understand and has excellent hands-on experiences.
Narrowing my focus and defining my purpose. There are thousands of leadership coaches out there. What can I do that is unique and provides value? After blogging every day now for over a month, I am finding myself focusing a great deal on personal growth qualities and most of my work going forward will focus on that.
Re-structuring of systems I use to acquire contacts and maintain communication with them

The biggest lesson which I really had to wrap my head around: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL AND EVEN TO FAIL REPEATEDLY as long as you learn. Thomas Edison while trying to invent the lightbulb failed almost 100o times before he achieved success. Someone asked him how it felt to fail so many times and Edison replied

I didn’t fail 999 times, I simply learned 999 ways to NOT make a lightbulb!

Let’s move forward together and look forward to our failures! Let’s learn and grow and succeed together!

Action Plan

Where you have failed big recently? What have your learned from it? Spend some time thinking on the lessons you could or should learn.
Who can you team up with to help you see perspective and gain accountability for growing? If you can’t think of anyone, call me at 321-355-2442.

Why Pollyanna Was Right – Positive Thinking

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How to Get Better Ideas

Who gets better ideas, the positive person or the negative person? A traditional saying is that “necessity is the mother of invention”; in other words, great ideas are spurred by need. On the surface, that seems negative but actually the opposite is true. Taking action happens from a positive attitude. The negative attitude simply sees the need but the positive attitude not only sees the need but also believes fully that there is a solution if they only look long enough and hard enough to find it. The negative person gives up, the positive person gives more.

I also believe BETTER ideas come from a positive attitude. The positive thinker is outward focused and sees possibilities in every situation. This ignites the thinking processes that want to find not just the easiest way but the best way and they will look at multiple options; not rejecting anything until they determine which will work best. The negative thinker looks for the easy way out, doubting that anything will work and why not choose the path of least resistance. This concept is born out in research, as I noted in yesterdays blog, Bouncing Back. The positive person is simply in a better position to see options and make the most effective choice. They are also more likely to execute it, which after all is the point. No solution works if you don’t implement it. Earlier in the week I mentioned a quote by Zig Ziglar that applies so well here:

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

Pollyanna Was Right

Many people use the term Pollyanna-ish to denote an idea or person who seems to be unreasonably positive. This is based on the book and movie Pollyanna about a girl who goes to live with a relative in a town that is struggling and her constant positive outlook befriends everyone in town. Many see Pollyanna’s attitude as almost a head in the sand, ignore the bad things and look at the good things attitude and see it as non-productive and certainly not results oriented. So typically, referring to something as Pollyanna-ish is meant to be a derogatory term. I think the opposite is true. It’s not ignoring the situation, it’s simply refusing to accept it as final. It is always seeing possibilities. Being a Star Trek fan, I have to try and fit in a quote here from James T. Kirk (paraphrased a bit):

“I don’t believe in a no win scenario. I like to think there are always possibilities.”

A positive attitude allows you to reach high and overcome odds, it allows you to look for and see the best in people instead of the worst. It also means you EXPECT the best from people and not the worst. When you expect the best and make that clear in the way you treat people, most will go out of their way to live up to your expectation. Will some disappoint you and break your heart? Sure, it’s inevitable. But it is still better than expecting the worst in everyone else, treating them accordingly, and never being surprised or disappointed. Expecting the worst in others brings out the worst in you. Expecting the best in yourself and others creates a world of potential and possibilities that the worst can never bring you.

Think about your employees or colleagues in the workplace. Do you expect the best from them? Do you show that by treating them with respect, by giving them YOUR best? Do you make your expectations clear? How do you support them? Encourage them? Equip them? As soon as you believe in possibilities and show that daily, they will too and it will show as they strive to constantly meet your expectations.

Action Plan

Apply the thought “always possibilities” to a particular problem you are facing.
Think about how you can give your best to your employees or colleagues. Determine your first step and do it.
How can you communicate your expectations without being aggressive or offensive?

Why Feelin’ Like It Won’t Get You a Positive Attitude

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Results from a Positive Attitude

The biggest challenge with seeing the benefits of a positive attitude is where the rubber meets the road as they used to say. I know plenty of people who collect positive quotes, listen to recordings, post affirmations around the room, and then sit back and wait for wonderful things to happen. And nothing does.

Why? After all, we’ve been talking about the benefits of a positive attitude so why is it that some don’t really see the results of that. There are several reasons why it may not work.

They don’t really believe it.

Lots of people will adopt a practice of a positive attitude with the outlook of “well, I don’t really go for this kind of junk.” They “tried” it because someone kept insisting they should or they read about it somewhere and so they try it just for the sake of being able to say, “I tried it and it doesn’t work!” This is actually very common for a lot of things. People seek more confirmation of the negative than they do the positive.

There is no real magic in the words themselves, so posting it up or listening to it or even saying it without really internalizing it will be, for the most part, a waste of time. That’s why when you read affirmations to yourself, it is critically important that you read them with emotion in your voice. It is the emotion that cues the subconscious to accept what you are saying. Without commitment behind the words, they are just meaningless words with no impact.

They haven’t really defined what they want to happen

Okay, so we have been working on building and maintaining a positive attitude and we wait for things to happen and….nothing. Well, what did you want to happen? Something? Anything? How do you know it didn’t? I listened to a talk by John Earl Shoaff the other day and he emphasized this. People come up with dreams and goals but they aren’t very specific. “I want a Mercedes. ” Okay, I have a old, beat-up 1955 Mercedes, you want that? “No, I want a new Mercedes!” Okay, you didn’t say that before. You have to detail what you want if you expect it to happen.

They are waiting to feel ready to act.

This is probably the biggest one. People work under the mistaken belief actions come from thoughts. Think good things and good things will happen and then you can start to action. Be positive and you will then become motivated and then take action.

The Lie of Feelin’ Like It

Nothing can be farther from the truth! Sometimes you will be motivated and take action on that motivation. The majority of the time, however, you will not feel very motivated. We talked about the enemy of resistance before and here is another place where it will raise it’s ugly head ready to take you down. Resistance will come up with all kinds of reasons not to act, including the dreaded “I’m waiting to feel (ready) (motivated) (inspired) before I begin. Fill in the word of your choice.

But it’s actions that need to come first. Tony Robbins speaks of the importance of action in truly committing us to the goal:

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”

Go ahead and take a step and then another. Once you accomplish something, then you will feel motivated, creative, inspired, and ready to do more. Action is the resistance killer. Action is muse that allows us to dream bigger dreams and set sky high goals. Action is the driver behind having a real positive attitude.

Don’t wait. ACT! You can do this, you know you can!

Action Plan

What one thing have you put off waiting for inspiration or motivation? What one action can you take NOW to step in that direction? Do it NOW!
Keep taking actions until you see an accomplished result. How do you feel now? Motivated? Good. Now go dream big dreams!

Why a Positive Attitude is Hard: Negative People

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A Negative People Morning

I don’t usually do this, but this morning I turned on the TV first thing and turned to the news. What we were looking for was anything about the federal budget and possible government shutdown. My wife, Sherry, works for the federal government and would likely be taking a break for a while if the government shuts down. While she would eventually get paid, if it goes for any length of time that is income we don’t have.

On Facebook and other social media, where there never seems to be an end to the political experts anxious to share their opinions with you, there have been all kinds of commentary about this event and most of it negative. It’s unavoidable as we live in a negative world.

Don’t Let Negative People Define You

But you and I, we are positive people. We believe in keeping a positive attitude. And in this negative world, even having a positive attitude can have a bad rap. Over the years, I have read and listened to plenty of Norman Vincent Peale and many others who remind us and equip us to have a positive attitude in everything we do. The negative clans are quick to attack this attitude as a head in the sand approach, or a Pollyanna ^note outlook on life, or looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. According to them, we fail to face the realities of life; or at least reality as defined by them.

In truth, having a positive attitude is none of these things. We don’t hide our heads hoping bad things will just go away. We don’t ignore the challenges of this world or government shutdowns or bad economies or falling job markets. We simply refuse to let them define our lives; we stay true to who we are, what we are, and whose we are. Maintaining a positive attitude doesn’t mean we ignore the world; quite the contrary. We see the world and we intend to change it! And we start with ourselves!

Our biggest battle will be the negative people who surround us. Make no mistake about it, NEGATIVE PEOPLE SUCK! They just suck the life right out of you and your hopes and dreams. And they will hammer their message at you continually trying to break you down until you think like they do. You have heard that misery loves company? Believe it! They want you on their side.

Don’t be Anakan, be Luke! Refuse to cross over to the dark side!

Getting Away from the Influence of Negative People

So how to do we avoid letting negative people impact our lives? Ultimately, it’s going to rely on your will and desire to stay positive, but here’s a few things that will help.

Stop watching the news! I mentioned at the beginning that I almost never turn on the TV news in the morning. It’s not that I am trying to ignore what’s happening in the world, it’s just that I don’t see the need to fill my mind with the full-force negativity of broadcast news.
When a negative thinker starts to share their downer philosophy of life, don’t agree with them. At the time, it will seem like the quickest and easiest way to get ride of them, but it’s not. As soon as you agree with them, they think they have an ally and will be coming to you more often.
Don’t argue with a negative thinker; you can’t win. If you disagree, they want to engage in an argument and come up with more reasons why you should believe they way they do. Negative doesn’t give up that easy.
Don’t minimize their complaints either. If you minimize it, they will simply try to come up with more reasons why they are right.
Be sympathetic to what they are saying, but try to re-direct them more to the task at hand.
Always be on a deadline. “I understand how you are feeling, it must be frustrating. Please excuse me, I need to focus on this project right now because I gotta have it done by the end of the day.” The more that you can do that, the more leverage it gives you to excuse yourself away from those situations.
Seek affirmations. That negative input is going to impact you so you need to seek positive affirmations that are going to help build up your positive thoughts again so you can stay focused on your goals.

Action Plan

Starting tonight, read or listen to something positive just before you go to bed. Ideally, a self-affirmation script is key because it plants positive thoughts into the subconscious that burned in while you sleep. It also gets anything negative off your mind before you put you head on the pillow.
Starting tomorrow, read or listen to something positive immediately after you wake up. Don’t turn on the TV; at least not yet. Motivational recordings or books, or simply look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are going to have a great day, that you will overcome any obstacles that get in your way, that you will love and care for your family and friends, that you will take care of all your big rocks on the day and add value to everyone you meet.
Avoid the negative thinkers by focusing on the task at hand. ALWAYS have something to do that requires your immediate attention.

P.S. While people use the term Pollyanna negatively, as if to assert that being optimistic and looking for the good is wrong, I have never had an issue with this. Call me a Pollyanna, I embrace it gladly!

Does a Positive Attitude Really Matter?

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Positive Attitude = Positive Results

Zig Ziglar warns about “stinkin’ thinkin’” and “hardening of the attitude“. Norman Vincent Peale refers to “empty hearts and empty minds” who take on a defeatist position. Tony Robbins cautions you to avoid seeing the garden as overrun by “weeds“. John Maxwell, Ken Blanchard, and the list goes on, all talk about the overwhelming difference that attitude can make. More importantly, they speak to how a negative attitude yields nothing but negative results.

positive thinking gets better results

Conversely, to the person they will also tell you that a positive attitude leads to more positive results. Zig Ziglar says

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will”

And from Peale,

“Change your thoughts and you change your world!”

Tony Robbins:

“We will act consistently with our view of ourselves, whether that view is accurate or not.”

John Maxwell:

“People may hear your words but they feel your attitude.”

Positive Attitude = Riches?

Does a positive attitude make you rich overnight? No, of course not! The idea behind having a positive attitude isn’t to change your fortunes instantly but to change you instantly and consistently. When you become consistent in your attitude, it will play out in your actions. It has to, you can’t help it. It has to do with what psychologists call “Cognitive Dissonance“.

In simple terms, it means that you cannot think one way and act in an opposite manner on a consistent basis.

The mind can’t handle it and therefore will either change your thoughts or change your actions to bring consistency. If you think positively and act negatively (which would include not acting at all), then your mind will adjust one or the other. In most cases, your mind will side with your actions. So while we always point out that our actions speak louder to others than our words do, the same is true within us. What you do speaks louder to your mind that what you say.

Does that mean that we should stop talking positive until we start acting positive? Not at all! Because while our actions have more influence with our mind, our words have influence with our mind as well AND with our actions. So even if we take positive actions but continue to think and talk negatively, it will start to affect our actions. They will become less positive and less powerful and once again our mind will brings things back to consistency.

So the real secret in the power of being positive is to combine BOTH positive thoughts and positive actions. They influence one another and influence our mind as well. When we are consistent in both thought and action this way, our mind can be more powerful. Instead of having to sort through the inconsistencies of our thoughts and actions, the mind can spend time on other things like true creative thought and dreaming big dreams.

I’ll be writing all this week about positive thinking. I invite you to share your thoughts, experiences, and even positive quotes that are meaningful to you. Share what you know so we ALL can be more positive and more effective.

Change to positive thinking

Action Plan

For at least the next 30 days, read or listen to something positive each day FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. Studies have shown that what first enters our mind on the day has incredible influence over our day.
What is one thing you have wanted to do but have not begun yet? Write in down in detail on a piece of paper or on your computer or tablet.
What one positive action can you take TODAY to begin? It doesn’t have to be a big action, it just has to be positive and move you closer to the objective. Make a point not to go to bed tonight without doing that.