Why a Positive Attitude is Hard: Negative People

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A Negative People Morning

I don’t usually do this, but this morning I turned on the TV first thing and turned to the news. What we were looking for was anything about the federal budget and possible government shutdown. My wife, Sherry, works for the federal government and would likely be taking a break for a while if the government shuts down. While she would eventually get paid, if it goes for any length of time that is income we don’t have.

On Facebook and other social media, where there never seems to be an end to the political experts anxious to share their opinions with you, there have been all kinds of commentary about this event and most of it negative. It’s unavoidable as we live in a negative world.

Don’t Let Negative People Define You

But you and I, we are positive people. We believe in keeping a positive attitude. And in this negative world, even having a positive attitude can have a bad rap. Over the years, I have read and listened to plenty of Norman Vincent Peale and many others who remind us and equip us to have a positive attitude in everything we do. The negative clans are quick to attack this attitude as a head in the sand approach, or a Pollyanna ^note outlook on life, or looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. According to them, we fail to face the realities of life; or at least reality as defined by them.

In truth, having a positive attitude is none of these things. We don’t hide our heads hoping bad things will just go away. We don’t ignore the challenges of this world or government shutdowns or bad economies or falling job markets. We simply refuse to let them define our lives; we stay true to who we are, what we are, and whose we are. Maintaining a positive attitude doesn’t mean we ignore the world; quite the contrary. We see the world and we intend to change it! And we start with ourselves!

Our biggest battle will be the negative people who surround us. Make no mistake about it, NEGATIVE PEOPLE SUCK! They just suck the life right out of you and your hopes and dreams. And they will hammer their message at you continually trying to break you down until you think like they do. You have heard that misery loves company? Believe it! They want you on their side.

Don’t be Anakan, be Luke! Refuse to cross over to the dark side!

Getting Away from the Influence of Negative People

So how to do we avoid letting negative people impact our lives? Ultimately, it’s going to rely on your will and desire to stay positive, but here’s a few things that will help.

Stop watching the news! I mentioned at the beginning that I almost never turn on the TV news in the morning. It’s not that I am trying to ignore what’s happening in the world, it’s just that I don’t see the need to fill my mind with the full-force negativity of broadcast news.
When a negative thinker starts to share their downer philosophy of life, don’t agree with them. At the time, it will seem like the quickest and easiest way to get ride of them, but it’s not. As soon as you agree with them, they think they have an ally and will be coming to you more often.
Don’t argue with a negative thinker; you can’t win. If you disagree, they want to engage in an argument and come up with more reasons why you should believe they way they do. Negative doesn’t give up that easy.
Don’t minimize their complaints either. If you minimize it, they will simply try to come up with more reasons why they are right.
Be sympathetic to what they are saying, but try to re-direct them more to the task at hand.
Always be on a deadline. “I understand how you are feeling, it must be frustrating. Please excuse me, I need to focus on this project right now because I gotta have it done by the end of the day.” The more that you can do that, the more leverage it gives you to excuse yourself away from those situations.
Seek affirmations. That negative input is going to impact you so you need to seek positive affirmations that are going to help build up your positive thoughts again so you can stay focused on your goals.

Action Plan

Starting tonight, read or listen to something positive just before you go to bed. Ideally, a self-affirmation script is key because it plants positive thoughts into the subconscious that burned in while you sleep. It also gets anything negative off your mind before you put you head on the pillow.
Starting tomorrow, read or listen to something positive immediately after you wake up. Don’t turn on the TV; at least not yet. Motivational recordings or books, or simply look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are going to have a great day, that you will overcome any obstacles that get in your way, that you will love and care for your family and friends, that you will take care of all your big rocks on the day and add value to everyone you meet.
Avoid the negative thinkers by focusing on the task at hand. ALWAYS have something to do that requires your immediate attention.

P.S. While people use the term Pollyanna negatively, as if to assert that being optimistic and looking for the good is wrong, I have never had an issue with this. Call me a Pollyanna, I embrace it gladly!

Connecting – Networking’s Common Flaw

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Networking – Not Connecting

It is inevitable, whether you like to be in groups or not, that for a small business to succeed you or someone representing you are involved with some networking groups. These groups are typically formed with the primary purpose of introducing people and collecting contacts and therefore, in theory, generating leads. There are lots of these groups around pretty much anywhere you are; literally hundreds of them. BNI groups abound, groups like WOAMTEC that cater to a specific gender or genre, community service clubs like Rotary and Kiwanis have networking aspects to them, chambers of commerce sponsor groups, trade associations create them, and sometimes just someone with a mind for a target audience will create them.

I have belonged to several over time and visited many others. They all have the their advantages and disadvantages and most are at least a little productive eventually. The biggest issue I have with most of them is that the participants really don’t know what they are doing and it becomes more of a mingling than a networking. The fatal flaw is that you aren’t connecting, you are simply meeting and greeting. Some of the common mistakes I see are:

People who show up and pass out their business cards like they are dealing poker. Sometimes they include some type of greeting but usually it is just their brief pitch. The assumption that I am going to do business with you or refer you to anyone else just because I have your business card is a fatal flaw. That’s supporting your printer, not connecting.

Keep the card in your pocket, I don’t want it.

Shooting for quantity of contacts over quality. I have seen people come in, make a point of talking to every single person in the room briefly, collect cards, and rush out confident that they have done their job. Like the example of passing out the cards above, you have done nothing to further your cause other than collect some additional names you will probably add to your list to spam until they get sick of it. Again, not connecting.
The assumption that you are going to do business with anyone in the room. Yes, on a VERY RARE occasion that may happen, but it’s not the purpose of your being there. Think about it: did you go to the meeting to buy from anyone there? What makes you think they did? The purpose of networking is not to do business. We’ll talk about that purpose (connecting) further down in the post.
Relying on your “elevator speech” as the entire moment of contact with anyone in the room. I am not a big fan of elevator speeches for this very reason. In case you don’t know what an elevator speech is, it works off the theory that if you were in an elevator with someone you really wanted to contact you basically have 30 seconds to impress so you need to present a clear, concise summary of who you are and what you do. It works off the assumption that if someone in the elevator or at a networking group asks you what you do they really want to know. Chances are they don’t; they really want to tell you what they do.

Connecting – Not Networking

I have spent time going around to networking groups and pointing out these fatal flaws and proposing that they do something different. If you tire of this merry-go-round that gets nowhere, why not try connecting instead of networking. Connecting is all about building REAL relationships with people, not just acquaintances or business card collections. You make friends, not contacts. And that’s what networking is really all about. You don’t have to go anywhere new, you can still attend the same events, but your intentions, purpose, and approach are different. The only thing that will change is you.

The idea is that you want to spend more time being interested than interesting. At the heart of it, people want to know that you find them fascinating. They don’t want to know that you have a new, revolutionary product or service; they want to know that you can help them, that you care about them, and that they can trust you. Take this approach and in just a short time I believe it will amaze you at how things change for the better. Better authentic relationships with people, leading to better referrals and increase in closings. Just changing this mindset makes a world of difference. As Dale Carnegie said,

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Here are some tips to get started:

Be one of the first to arrive and the last to leave to maximize your contact time. Budget your time so that you aren’t rushed. Being hurried shows up in your attitude, your speech, and your body language. No one thinks you care for them when you are in a hurry and you aren’t really connecting if you are in a hurry.
Set your goal before you walk in the door to focus on 2-3 quality contacts. If you meet more, and your certainly will, then great. But focus on actually initiating a relationship with 2-3 people where you are really connecting with them.
Ditch the elevator speech. Marketing Guru Seth Godin says no one buys anything in a elevator. Give short, concise answers to inquiries about you and quickly turn it around to ask questions about them. You want them to talk the majority of the time you spend with them. People who let other people talk about themselves are regarded by them as the best conversationalist in the world.
When you do talk, share more personal information than business information. Real connecting with people happens on common ground and that is always personal. You may find you went to the same school, at both natives to the area, have kids, etc.

Commonality makes connections.

Here’s the biggie: instead of looking for what you are going to get from each relationship, look for what you can give. What can you do for them, especially if unrelated to your business. Can you connect them with someone who can solve a problem you don’t address? Perhaps they need a good medical specialist or are looking for a new church or a good place that serves authentic viking food. How can you add value to them. Ironically, when you do that you will eventually receive value in return. It is really true, what goes around comes around.

Action Plan

Think about your next meeting. Pick two or three people you will focus on building a relationship with this week.
In your conversation with them, find one thing you can do for them THIS WEEK and then DO IT.

Customer Loyalty Isn’t Really a Secret

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Loyalty to Your Business

“I learned from Mr. Wrigley, early in my career, that loyalty wins and it builds friendships.
I saw it work for him in his business.”
Ernie Banks

Loyalty to Your Employees

In yesterday’s post, we talked about building employee loyalty. We emphasized investing in them, building relationships with them, focusing on growth, focusing on giving loyalty, focus on empowerment. When we focus on what we give to the employee of today then most will give loyalty in return for however long they are with us. Some won’t, no matter what we do. That’s the risk we take.

Loyalty to Your Customers

How is it any different with our customers? We HOPE to build customers for life. The reality is that most will leave us at one point or another for a variety of reasons. Some may abandon us for the lowest bidder. Some because what we provide is no longer necessary for them; they have outgrown us or simply no longer need what we offer. That said, building customer loyalty is still possible and could be boiled down to this simple statement:

Treat your customers like you treat your employees.

The same things we focused on to build employee loyalty make a difference to your customers as well.

Customers are interested in doing business with people they believe care for them, can help them, and can be trusted. They more than a product from you, they want a relationship. Treating your customers as your friends takes the relationship beyond the exchange of goods and services into something more meaningful, effective, and profitable. If your thought is “well I wouldn’t want to be friends with my customers!” then you either need to change customers or (most likely) change YOU.
Customers want to be treated with respect and regard. They, like employees, want to feel that they are important. That their contribution counts. That they make a difference in your life.
Customers want you to help them grow. Whether you help them grow their business, grow their profits, or grow them; customers want what you provide them to add value beyond the product or service they purchased. They are looking for you to look out for them and help move them closer to their goals.
Customer are looking to be empowered by you. It makes anyone uncomfortable to feel totally dependent on someone else. It makes them feel helpless. If you teach them to develop enough knowledge and ability to make intelligent decisions and provide input, you make them feel in control and loyalty will develop as a result. My family doctor has worked with me enough to where I can ask intelligent questions. He welcomes my questions and input. We make treatment decisions together. He makes me feel in control of my healthcare. That’s why he is still my family doctor for 15 years.

Your Actions

How many of your customers would consider you to be their friend? How would they define that?
Think of your best customers. What can you do TODAY to show appreciation?
How can your empower your best customers to deepen your relationship?