How I Stopped Whining and Started Leading

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Learning the Secret to Solving the Problems Leaders Have

New Job – New Leadership Challenge

It took just one month out of college to discover a secret of leadership.

I had worked at WUCF-FM as a college student being as it was the campus radio station at the University of Central Florida. I was on-air talent, producer, News Manager, and other roles. When I graduated, they had a need for a Radio Manager – a professional who would oversee all operations of the station. They weren’t offering a lot of money, so people who were much more qualified for it than me turned their noses up at it.

I got the job.

Problems Begin

Just a few weeks in I started to have some substantial problems with one on-air talent who had a certain disregard for some station policies. The problem festered until I went to the General Manager and complained in an exasperated voice about how I thought I needed to fire this guy.

I won’t forget what he said.

The General Manager, his name was Keith Fowles, puffed on his cigarette and then turned to me and said “No!”

That’s not the significant part. He followed that up with this.

“Paul, you can’t fire him because the problem is of your own making. Firing him won’t fix your problem, it will simply eliminate one symptom of it.”

And then he said what stuck with me all these years.

“Remember this: management creates all the problems. Management is also the only one who can solve the problems.”

It made perfect sense to me! I hope you see it too!

The Secret Sauce

Still today, I use the brief and pointed phrase to share with leaders all over ….. with a little twist.

Poor Leadership creates all the problems. Excellent leadership is the only way to solve the problems!

[tweetthis]Poor Leadership creates the problems. Only excellent leadership can solve the problems![/tweetthis]

You see, it doesn’t matter what the symptoms of your problem are today they had their source in poor leadership decisions. When we make poor leadership decisions we create situations that negatively impact our team’s performance and growth. And I can personally say I have been guilty of many of these decisions like what you see here.

Adding the wrong member to the team
Undeclared expectations on team members
Not equipping the team to achieve excellence
Not removing unproductive members
Failure to challenge individuals and the team to perform
Changing performance targets
Not recognizing excellent performance for individuals and the team

And the list could go on. While each of these sounds like a management problem – and in some cases management plays a part – they are actually leadership problems. What makes them leadership problems is that they involve decisions and not necessarily process. If I add the wrong member to the team because I wanted to fill the role quickly, or I didn’t ask the right questions, or I ignored the red flags, then that is a problem with the decisions I made and not the process. In other words, the process didn’t necessarily fail me, I failed the process.

Using the Secret to Move Forward

Once I came to terms with taking responsibility for my role in the problem, I was in a much better position to resolve it.

I would like to say that we made friends and everyone lived happily ever after.

No.

But we did manage to co-exist and he actually went on to do some cool stuff for the station. Stuff that likely would not have been done if I had just fired him in an attempt to fix my problem.

Do you agree with the statement that “poor leadership creates all the problems and excellent leadership is the only way to solve the problems”? What philosophies have you learned over the years that have helped you?

Leave comments here, or text me at 321-355-2442 or email me at psimkins@BoldlyLead.com with your thoughts.

New Name: Boldly Lead!

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If you have visited here before you may have noticed the change in the name of the blog from Discover Leadership! to Boldly Lead!

There were two good reasons for this:

There is a training company called Discover Leadership and I did not want people getting us confused.
Boldly Lead is more in line with the brand and the attitude of this blog.

Of course, you can also visit our website: BoldlyLead.com and check us out on Facebook (Ahhamoments), Twitter (BoldlyLead), and LinkedIn (Paul Simkins).

Since I have your attention here, can I ask a favor from you?

Can you drop me a line at psimkins@BoldlyLead.com and let me know what kinds of topics on employee engagement and leadership you would like me to address here? It is very important to me that this blog remain relevant to your needs.

The Funniest Joke About Communication I Ever Heard

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Just Can’t Communicate

I heard Zig Ziglar tell this joke about communication many years ago.

A woman meets with an attorney and says “I want to divorce my husband!“

“OK” the attorney responds, “let’s start with a few questions first.”

“Like what?” she asks.

“Well, do you have any grounds?”

“Yes, we have about 5 acres out in the country.”

“No, I mean do you have a grudge?”

“No, but we have a nice, wide carport and a storage shed.”

“Let me ask this a different way. Do you have any complaints about him?”

“Like what?”

“Well, does he beat you up?”

“No, I’m up at least an hour before him every day.”

“Well, what about your role here? Do you ever wake up grouchy?”

“No, when he’s in a bad mood I just let him sleep.”

Exasperated, the attorney finally asks, “Why exactly do you want to get a divorce?”

“Well,” she replies, “the guy just can’t communicate!”

Communication Fail

Our biggest struggle with communication is when we simply assume it happened. You can hear the assumption in the language people use. You may have heard statements like this from others or even coming out of your own mouth. I know I have.

“It made perfect sense to me!”

“How could I be any clearer?!”

“Why can’t you understand this?!”

“What do I have to do to get through to you?!”

“Do I have to say it again?!”

Yes, You Do

So the assumption that communication happened just because we said something is a strong impulse. And despite evidence again and again that it doesn’t work that way, we persist. And communication fails.

Did you ever play the Telephone Game when you were a kid? You may remember how it’s played. Everyone sits or stands next to each other. One person whispers something in the next person’s ear, usually some silly phrase or complex sentence. That person then whispers it to the next and so on until everyone hears it. The last person then repeats what they heard, which is usually only vaguely related to what the first person said.

Why does it come out like that? Shouldn’t the message successfully pass along accurately every time? In fact, it almost never does. Here are some reasons why:

As listeners, we are not always focused as much as we should be on what is being said. Since the speaker can only say the phrase once, we have to rely on what we think was said.
Related to that, our brain tends to fill in the unfamiliar with the familiar. So words that were missed get substituted with words we know.
As speakers, our own tone, inflection, pronunciation, and mindset effect how the words come out.

Communication Success

Relating that to our daily communication, what we say and how we say it has a great effect on what people hear. The environment in which the conversation took place makes a difference. The mindset of the listener also has an impact on what they hear and how they interpret it.

So for communication to be successful it is important to be aware of our own emotions and attitudes. We must also be mindful of the emotions and attitudes of the listener. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is angry or upset or fearful or stressed? How about when you were angry or upset or fearful or stressed? How well did that really go?

A farmer who wants to grow crops doesn’t just throw seeds out and hope they grow. The farmer will prepare the environment where he wants things to grow. He might till the ground so the dirt is fresh and airy. He might fertilize and water the ground. When spreading the seeds, he might make sure they end up in the right place for optimal growth. When he sets up the environment correctly, anticipates weather and other conditions that can negatively impact the crops, and provides ongoing care then the farmer can enjoy a successful harvest.

Tips for Better Communication

If we truly desire to communicate successfully, like a farmer sowing seeds, we have to make sure we have the right environment.

Check Your Own Emotions. When we are emotionally charged we are more concerned with having our say than we are with communicating.
Check the Listener’s Emotions. While sometimes it is unavoidable, it’s best to not attempt communication when the other person is experiencing high emotions before the conversation begins.
Choose Words Familiar with the Other Person. You ever have someone talk to you with jargon totally unfamiliar to you? People connect better with words they already have a relationship with.
Ask for Understanding. Don’t assume they know what you mean. Ask them to repeat back what they hear you to say. It keeps them involved in the communication and it ensures that it actually occurs.

So, I’m curious. What’s the funniest or dumbest thing you have heard someone say during a communication breakdown? Share it here in the comments or email me at psimkins@BoldlyLead.com.

Leadership Lessons Learned from my Father

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Leadership Truly Starts at Home

The Passing of a Leader

My father, Paul F. Simkins, Sr., passed away recently after a year and half battle with cancer. He left a tremendous legacy in his chosen field, the Credit Union industry. He was a pioneer, helping lead the way in community charters. He founded an ATM network for credit unions that is now the largest in the nation. He had a national reputation in the industry. You can read more about it here in the Credit Union Times.

What follows is a trimmed down version of the remembrance I shared at his funeral. I share it here because my leadership journey began here. It is my hope you will look at the leadership lessons you can learn close to home as well. It better prepares you for the lessons you can learn elsewhere.

Remembering the Leadership Lessons

So I am up here today to make the speech you secretly hope you won’t have to make, yet deep down know one day you will.

And while I make a living making speeches, I have found this one to be one of the hardest to make. At the same time, it was one of the easiest. Hard because of the circumstances, easiest because there are so many things I could say about my father. The content is there in the life he lived but I was told to keep this short so the challenge is editing it down.

I am the namesake of Paul F Simkins Sr. Many will tell you we share more than just a name; some of it good and some not so good.

We both had to deal with sleep apnea, hypertension, and a tendency for gout. We both have had to deal with issues with our weight. Large noses run in the family. As I have joked several times recently, we tend to be a phlegmatic family. That was inherited.

Yet there is many more good things that I got than bad. The lessons I learned from my father through his words and his actions. From him I learned what to do and even what not to do. It’s these leadership lessons that stay.

Dad taught us to be faithful. Attendance and participation in church was expected and encouraged. Being an active part of the faith community was important. He built relationships with the pastors and would ask them questions and challenge them. In the end, Dad became comfortable with his pending death because, in his words, “I know where I am going.”

He taught us that family came first. Whether he was taking us on an adventure, or to baseball practice, or Boy Scouts, or dance class – sitting around the house or disciplining us he never left any doubt as to how important we were. Like most families, we had our moments but they were just that – moments. When the smoke cleared we were still family and the bond was still important. Even as we the children went off and established our own lives, much of it still revolves around the family as a whole.

Dad taught us presence. Having been involved as a teen, Dad loved Drum and Bugle Corps. When I had a chance to join one, he came along with me and participated in coaching the drum line. I joined little league and they needed a manager for the team or there wouldn’t be a team. There was Dad. Same with Scouting. We needed a Scoutmaster or no troop. There was Dad. As a result, the influence he had was not just on me, but on dozens of other kids and adults over the years. I am a Scouter today because my son, Charlie, is passionate about Scouting and because of the lesson I learned from Dad to care for and influence others.

He was there for people in his business as well. Several managers and executives in the financial services business will acknowledge they owe their career path to Paul Simkins. He saw potential, gave them an opportunity, mentored them, and helped them to shine.

Dad taught me how to love your wife and make her a priority. As important as we children were, it was very clear to us where we stood in the pecking order. Dad’s world, first and foremost, revolved around his bride, Martha Jo – Mom to me. He was fully devoted to her, loving, affectionate, and thoughtful. I’ve tried to model that in my relationship with my wife, Sherry. You’ll have to ask her whether or not I have succeeded.

He taught us humor. Ask anyone who knew Dad and they will talk about how he was funny, entertaining, that he had a great sense of humor. One of our favorite pictures we included in the slide show is of several of his grandchildren sitting around him on the couch. He was supposed to be reading the Christmas story to them, yet in the picture all of the children are practically rolling around the floor laughing. You just know he said something – a funny voice, a funny name, something silly – that made them delight in peals of laughter. He brought humor into his workplaces and his interactions with others. He used it as a tool to connect with people and make them feel at ease around him. It speaks volumes that many of the memories shared about him revolve around that.

My father’s life was a model of how to care for, connect with, and influence others. Not a perfect model to be sure but an effective one. His influence lives on forever in my life and the lives of so many others where he made a difference.

What lessons are there for you within your family? Within your community? What have you learned that stuck with you? Share your thoughts here or email me at psimkins@BoldlyLead.com.

My Kids Are My Heroes….Here’s Why

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Leaders and Heroes Overcome and Stand Out

The Victory of a Moment for Heroes

This week we celebrated as my two youngest graduated high school. One after the other they walked from behind the curtain, accepted their diploma, and strode off the stage. It was incredibly exciting for them and joyful for Sherry and I.

As mundane as that sounds, it was a triumphant event. It is also a big reason why I gave the title to this post that you see.

It requires a little background, so bear with me.

You Want Humble Beginnings?

All our children were adopted from foster care. Adopted children always have challenges. Some have have enjoyed the benefit of being adopted as a newborn and thus never know any environment than the one with their adoptive parents. Ours were exposed to other environments less favorable, in some cases deplorable.

My two youngest, a boy and a girl, were both adopted at the age of two. In fact, their birthdays are exactly two weeks apart. We have jokingly called them “The Twins” even though they came from different birth families. Their backgrounds were varied.

My son was born in a house full of neglect and squalid conditions. There was also a very inconsistent adult influence. He came to us just as he turned two. Over time we saw that he was speech delayed and even later found out that he is on the Autism Spectrum. The results of that and other disorders created difficulties with relationships with teachers and others. Too many others around him and too much change created chaos for him. Changing situations created a lot of “do-overs” for him.

My youngest daughter was born premature and drug-addicted. Spent months in an incubator. Pediatric Asthma and prone to Febrile Seizures. When she first came into our lives we wondered if she was ever going to talk. Now we wonder if she is ever going to stop!

History Does Not Dictate Your Future

Both have risen from those backgrounds to become high school graduates with college ahead. He wants to become an engineer and she wants to become a voice-over artist for Disney.

They are My Heroes

because they overcame the odds. Like many, they navigate the challenges of daily life. But think about running a race where you have to start 20 yards behind everyone else. You have a lot of space to make up just to catch everyone else.

So Why Am I Sharing This Here?

You mean, other than a Blatant Dad-Brag?

I’m not above it and happy to do so. I am extremely proud of what they have done and who they are.

It is also because as a leader it tells me that where and what I have been in the past doesn’t keep me from being what I should be going forward.

If you have been the harsh, task-oriented leader in the past (or even the present) where employees were just assets – you are not doomed to stay that way.

If you have focused only on your own success, hogged all the credit and disseminated all the blame – today is the day you can start a new path.

Nothing condemns you to repeat your failures except your unwillingness to take a new direction.

If you are ready to become the leader your employees want to willingly follow – know that you can.